right. so much to say, so little I can filter through to all of you... it's enough to make you crap right in your pants. I promise. (the ______ _____ thing, that is). you're just going to have to take my word for it.
so here we are, wrapping up another weekend, starting up another work week. I'm off the clock an hour early today because we had to set up gift bags for tenants at one of the buildings that BioMed owns at like, 6:30 this morning. I was on time. my coworker was not. and I get all anxiety-ridden when I have to be up for something like that, to the point where if I'm not doing it regularly, I can't sleep. I wake up and wake up and wake up, afraid I'm going to sleep too late, constantly checking my clock to see what time it is, and how much time I have left to sleep. it sucks. I hate it. I'm hoping I'll learn to adjust, because I want to shift to earlier days. I want to write, and be well read, so I have to make the time to write, and read. period. funny how it's not rocket science like that.
so, I'm wondering if I can docu-drama the weekend in twelve minutes, before I leave for the day. let's give it a shot.
the weather was stupid and we spent a big chunk of sunday out in the driveway - I cleaned my car, kristin shone-d up the frankenstella. she's gorgeous. photoessay to follow. speaking of photoessays - it's on my list. and in being an item on a list, I have to take the time and space here to talk about Planning and I have been introduced to the plentiful bounty of organization that one yields from Making Multiple Lists. Plans. there's the big list, and then all the little lists to back it up, complete with timeframes and "items needed" (because sometimes you need things to do the things on your list) and I swear, I suddenly became The Second Most Efficient Person In America. I knew where I was going, in what order, I roughed out how long it was all going to take, and I was early for the in-studio. early! me! I had time to collect myself and everything. and as if that wasn't good enough - being early for an in-studio, and getting to do an in-studio, btw, with tea for julie, they seem to be the mighty purple of portland - I got so much shit done. so much! I did spend longer than I would have liked in fred meyer feeling like an r-tard, like I had lost all my abilities and skills on a bunch of basic levels, but I'm being kind to myself and I won't take the time and space to remit that any further. I'm new here. it takes me a while to sort through the aisles, to leave the house - I've been informed that I've just had Major (frothy) Emotional Upheavals, a series of them even, and that eight weeks is not long enough to implement systems or to be a pinnacle of mental health - and that I've got to go easy on me. so, fred meyer took forever, but I Did It All By Myself (I only had to call KRDO 2 or 3 times), and I even got Car Related Items.
the car. back to sunday. I fixed my car. not really, but kind of, but still - more car fixing than I've ever done alone before. I added coolant, and windshield (!!!) washer fluid, and I changed my wipers. that was the big part, that constitutes being able to call it car-fixing. wipers take a little figuring out, a snap, a lock, which way they bend, which way they don't, how to figure out which ones to put on, and what have you. I took mine into fred meyer (back to saturday) and when I got it off of my car in the parking lot, all with the manual on the hood, I actually looked around to see if anyone saw me. I was so fucking proud of myself. my hands got all dirty. it was tres exciting, and I'm not being facetious. and then the actual install (sunday again) was quite rewarding. a mostly clean car (sans vacuum, because there were too many people out cleaning their porsches with diapers at the car wash) and blades I put on All By Myself = me having a triumphant afternoon. after crying with gloria, and pumpkin creamered coffee... there was abundant sunshine on our Officially Fake Summertime day, and lots of cherry diet coke, and more lists, and even a sweet, armor-all-ed seat scooter ride. the perpetual boob jam. you should see her, all shiny and glossy like that - like I said, I've got pictures. they're coming.
they're like, on the list. of things to do. but we've got some Fake Summertime left still it seemed, and we're taking all that we can get. they'll be time enough for indoor activities once the rain starts.
I've got to speak tonight (sixty seconds left on the work timer) and I'm a little nervous. then I remember that it's not about me, that I serve as more of a channel in these instances, and then all the pressure is off. I have to learn that over and over, because I forget it repeatedly. and so other things I learned, besides that, and the lists: that doing things instead of asking a boy for help doing them is empowering, even though I think the thing I want is help from a boy, I actually don't; that I make a brilliant apple crisp (well, the apples make it brilliant, so I make a good apple crisp, and a brilliant Honeycrisp Apple Apple crisp, but I'd imagine it would still be good with inferior fruit, what with all the love and slicing); that I have easily identifiable and treatable broken thought patterns - such a relief, because I tend to lean towards unidentifiable panic more often than not; that my sponsor is awesomer every time I hang out with her (and she says funny, crazy things that are so good I have to leave blanks in so I can keep her under wraps); and not to state the obvious repeatedly, but that kristin is the greatest gal I could ever hope to know - OH - and that speaking of that, how could I forget? sunday night. sharpies. the great indie rock pilgrimage of 2008... turns out that ms. d.'s activspace was less than two blocks from the hall of justice. that's a whole separate entry. about watching dw,sc and hailing the power of the internet into the living room and realizing the hall of justice was in wicked close proximity to said space, and riding out on the scooter, and licking doorknobs, and seeing that it was - is - in fact, across the street. they were like, right there. I pulled a little scrap of paper out of the mailbox. you could see "hall" still in the faded sharpie. we have video forthcoming.
you know. it's on the list. I'll get to it shortly.
thirteen minutes, start to finish, thoughts out on the blog like my words spilled out onto the page this morning, so I can clean out the files in my head and make room for all the new things this week holds... phew. fuck editing. I don't have to be brilliant and a word besides epic every day - I just need to fucking write. and as I write more in my notebook, I can clear out that stuff too, and pretty soon every day will be a clean, mostly blank canvas.
oh. and we took polaroids. but I'll save that for posting the movie. I may have to make use of the scanner here tomorrow. scanner vigilantes. new seattle ambassadors.
hall of justice.
licking.
right.
gotta run. the sun's out still.
drive well,
vvb
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