waking up and going to the gym at six a.m. is good. really. other things that are good: singing in the shower, walking forever with headphones on, meetings, and tuesday nights off from everything. oh, and playlists. all this music and all these moments I can't seem to shake.
I logged in all full of ache, another wonderful day gone past, wilco pops on the playlist (my tongue turns to dust) and I don't feel like I have words right now. I felt like a fucking superhero this morning after the gym. walking down the street with a gym bag like a flag slung over my back, triumphant. off to a day at work where they told me they loved me, and to stretch out the days so that they could explain how they needed to keep me. panini with big mushrooms. black ink in a work-only notebook that I swiped to pile the words up during the day. walking, walking, movie soundtracks every minute of every step on the sidewalk... (trying to rid you from my bones) and I guess just general deliciousness. all goodness, all the time. dave tv.
today at work, at lunch, where the big mushrooms were - they asked me where hot avocados came from. and all of a sudden, sets of eyes are all on me, two of the three wearing cornflower, safe, and I wondered if they really wanted to know, and this hole in my nose has liberated me, or maybe that's all the timing - I'm back at the stage where everything is crackly and electric and amazing (I am all that you had hoped for) and so I'm like, whatever - I have nothing to lose, right? so I told them about my fondness for analogies, and how I was writing a fan letter in the back of one of my notebooks, and how I talked about things that were perfect, and how avocados can be just like that sometimes, perfect (it was the first two weeks of autumn) and - well, I didn't tell them about wanting to write with glen hansard until my head exploded all over the walls, but just about how things can be perfect like that sometimes, plus how I like to dice up avocados with a little sea salt for twenty seconds in the microwave (toy guitars > epic piano-strung chords) and how it all just kind of fell together. then katy talked about how much joie de vivre I have, about how I peaced out a construction worker from the window of the car, because he stared, so I figured why not practice on him, just like, saying hello, and opening lines from a car that's driving away - she actually said, we should hang out - I need more people like you in my life! everyone I know is too scared to do that... I was floored (I need you so much closer) and proceeded to talk about kristin and I and the discussion about the theory of practicing in safe situations so that you can kind of get the rust out, so that when the cards are on the table, it's a lot more realistic of you to be able to avoid watermelon-carrying comments, or to find out where your propensity for watermelon-carrying is, boundaries, limits... like, oh, that worked - or, oh shit - that did not work at all - I love the practice. it's so carefree, and you can't mess it up. I've been throwing lines out for practice of late, but no takers yet - I'll have to keep you posted on that one.
so, yeah. so they meant all of that, about me, and I walked around and got espresso afterwards, all alone with the headphones again, and I have to tell you, these fucking headphones are changing my whole life - it's ridiculous. I want to walk and take the bus around instead of driving so I can have them on and paint my movie all the time. playlists and long stares reflecting out the window of the city bus, so much copy I wouldn't know what to do with it all - sheesh.
wall approaching (so come on) and I think I have to wrap this one up - so that was my day. gym and everything after. tomorrow will be notebook and everything after. I like going over to caffe vita by work on 5th I think, so I might just plan it all out so I get over there early and can just leave and be at work in three minutes when I'm done with page-purging.
it comes on so fast. I've lost all ability to spell and form sentences. I'll have to save the rest for tomorrow (in a language that you can't read, just yet).
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vvb
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