I am so, so spent. I just took the last hour and edited photos, I'm so tired but I had to get it off my list. I have about six that will sort-of kind-of do from death cab, but it's like when I went to see ray lamontagne that time and the pictures would have been great with proper equipment - it almost pains me to see them and see how good they might have been. I've got to add "get a better lens" to the to-do / to-buy. which are not always mutually exclusive, target brand listmaker people. seriously.
and I'm still so reeling. singing lines from perfect moments in the stage light, the light and the half-light, all ben gibbard in shades of bright cobalt and magenta, singing out of the corner of his mouth. going to a ton of really, really good shows puts a shine on you that takes a lot of time to wear off, and I've got it bad. or good, I should say. really, really good. I can't stop seeing it, like movies burned into my frontal lobe (or wherever your head stores this stuff). how good the old 97s were, all up close at the KEXP stage. john vanderslice and his letter to the east coast, perfect, reeling. good seats for everything. canadian boys singing in my ear, just loud enough to help me hear all the words. I'm all blown away by everything, overtired and in hysterics at target, playing games like little kids tripping on the escalator. ripping covers off of books with abandon. affirmations, life, everything coming together in a living room on capitol hill. and going back to my favorite meeting I've found out here so far tomorrow, hopefully with janelle.
I'm starting to sort through stuff, and this week I've got to list out some goals (hence the to-buy and to-do). there's stuff I want to do this week, this month, this quarter, this year... little moments and big lofty maybe-probably-I-think-I-cans. all perched up in the loft, replacing fear with hope, replacing panic with excitement, turning it all around. taking myself less seriously, but taking the serious parts and making them real. I had a good chat with erin today that I had to cut short to go back into work, about how moving is so hard and so scary, and how much easier it is to not do than it is to do, and how it changes everything about you. it's like I'm finding my garment tag for the first time and learning so much about myself. oh, wash in cold water. I thought I needed hot water, but that's bad for this fabric. I get it now. etc., having had all these good intentions all the while, and just needing someone in charge telling me that I needed to be gentle with myself. it's crazy.
you're not going to put charlie parker in with the rock and roll, would you?
like that. like little unspoken rules, the book that got handed out that I was absent for, those moments that click together like a puzzle piece you tried in that spot a hundred times it seems, finally finding a fit. love, nourishment, laughter, lots of water, and a fort, and a couple of crazy good shows - it's a recipe that can solve anything.
if I don't go to bed now, I'm going to pull an all nighter, and that just wouldn't be fair to the people at my job. they already think I'm bonkers. I told katy the story about how last night when ben was all, we'll see you getting slices of pizza, and in line at the grocery stores, I yelled out, "Yeah! QFC!" all loud and one of them laughed at me, but everything was so full and so much that I couldn't help myself. I wound up redeeming my character with a story about going to see colin meloy and how he sings out the corner of his mouth, and how these girls in line had explained it to me, and katy was all, you know, it's really not my thing, all this stuff with these bands, but you make it sound so good - imagine that! me! making it all sound so good. and all I'm doing is talking about it the way it really is.
speaking of, decemberists at the end of november, moore theater, $32.00 before the frigging fees! no f-ing way, especially not to have to fight kids in braces on a sunday night. we're going to spend the money on sushi instead and put all the albums on shuffle in the living room and it will be almost as good. designated decemberists night. or something.
kristin - I know I'll forget - we've got to get okkervil river tickets, like, stat. and pinback, if you want to go, if not I can go with janet. I know you're in the next room and everything, but I don't feel like climbing down out of the fort to leave a note. it's waaaaay past my bedtime as it is.
kisses, everybody. and big epic moments in front of the stage. I'll save you a spot.
xx
VVB
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