Yes, that is a "Milkshake" reference. I know. Open fire whenever you feel like it.
I have got to just put it out there that - it seems like - it feels like - I stop doing things when I realize there are people around me that are better at it than I am. Most noticeably, keeping up with new bands. It's a fucking full time job. And I hibernate, and check out for a bit, and I come back and there's all this... stuff. All these bands, all these plans - and I have tickets to see the Wrens in September, and that's about it. I've kept my running lists of Songs I Like but I'm just not into it like I was last fall. I make shitty mix tapes - really. So I scoured today - Toad's, Iron Horse, Mercury Lounge, Wrens, Oh My Rockness, everything I could get my hands on - and as far as I can tell, I'm not missing too much. Anything that's been good enough to get through my... walls? Not walls. Through the little padded cell I've put myself in? No. Um... through my sleep-state - that's it - anything that's managed to make it through that (like Tapes 'n Tapes) aren't touring this second. And I really want to go see "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" at Southern, but the tickets are thirty bucks each. And there's this great singer / songwriter / writer-writer benefit thing going on next week that John Roderick will be at, and those tickets are forty bucks each. Jeez! And there's been a bazillion good show listings for the pool in Brooklyn, but to be honest, I don't want to fight with a bunch of kids that are too cool for school to catch The Shins playing the same stuff they played last time, or to stand elbow close to people who are coming to see Sufjan Stevens because they think they're supposed to. And then there I was, all ready to truck down to see The Frames, and I would have literally keeled over from heat stroke, so I couldn't go.
For feck's sake.
It's frustrating. It used to be all I did. It faded out. Should I be doing it more? Is it not important enough? What am I missing? What do I need to see? What do I need to do? The bottom line is if a show is good enough, I'll go, but what happened to the fire? Is it the Wellbutrin? It can't be. It's this bizarre fading-out self-esteem dilemma, where, although I can't really afford to go to CMJ, if I do go, I'll totally not know what all the bands are that they're booking because I just haven't kept up on it. And I'm totally fine with that, that's how it was the first time. But it seems like something's missing... because I don't want to go see Okkervil River or the Mountain Goats, again. I don't want to see The Decemberists play an all-ages gig at 6:30 on a school night. And dammit, why the fuck do The Long Winters have to be playing the Bowery? Why can't it be a regular sized gig? Am I getting old? Does anyone have any experience with this? Because I feel like I'm trying to get somewhere without a map.
Help, please. Emails and comments would be greatly appreciated.
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