it was the strangest thing

it was the strangest thing walking into my building after the gym today... it felt like I hadn't been here in days. I wasn't even gone for twelve hours. but the feeling just overwhelmed me -

so my horoscope in the advocate this week said that messages would be coming to me through my dreams - like if I had a dream to join the circus, that it meant to go do something that I hadn't tried before or didn't do because I thought it wouldn't work. two nights ago I had a very vivid dream about sitting in this conference room, a few random people, I think a family member or two, me, raf, and this older guy in a yankees hat and a mets shirt. turns out he's a baseball recruiter and he wants raf to come and play for his team.

then someone whispers to me, "you know he's recruiting for the seattle mariners, right?"

and in that second in the dream, it was like, yes - this is what I've been waiting for. this is it, this is the answer, this is the thing that's going to make my head be alright - and now, explaining it and seeing all the frames of the movie in my mind, I'm simultaneously enchanted by it like I was during the dream, and completely discouraged because I don't know how to make that happen in real life.

I'm back to praying for things to be obvious.

stuff is getting better, not financially or anything, but my head is straightening out a little bit each day.

I've got four minutes on the cookies, and then it's off for a shower and then the meeting, but I just had to get this down before the dream slipped away like the lines I need to write down and never get around to. like the one about walking in circles downtown and counting stars in the summertime that almost slipped my mind the other day, and that other one in the car I'll probably never get back.

~vvb